From a childhood marked by loss, responsibility, and scars, to healing through soccer, Swastika shares deep life lessons through hope at Kopila Valley School. Through pain, perseverance, and heart, she has learned that life, like soccer, is her game to play.

-SWASTIKA

I’ve heard many people say that everything you need to know about life can be learned from watching soccer. 

You don’t always get the perfect start

You win some, you lose some

You can’t control everything

Teamwork matters

You have to play offense and defense

Time is limited

So yes, everything you need to know about life–resilience, teamwork, patience, humility, and heart–you can learn just by watching soccer. But I play soccer. At least this has been the case for me, always. Taking actions instead of just observing and learning. I have learned from doing, going out into the battlefield, and defending what matters to me.

SCARS 

I grew up the oldest child of two everyday-quarreling  parents. If I were to give you a list of all the facts of my early childhood that made me wise beyond my age, this one would be near the top. Oldest child. Unhappy parents. Sick Grandparents. And then one day my father decided to call it ‘quits’ with us, and he remarried. Now that it’s been nearly a decade, this hurt seems so far away — back then, I just wished for time to pass quickly. A lonely, isolated, and troubled childhood isn’t what a child dreams of. 

I dreamt of loving parents who would spoil me once in a while, take me on a family vacation, buy me a pink floral gown with two straps and a cute bow tying in the back. After my father remarried, the house finally grew quiet–but way too quiet. It was the kind of silence that didn’t soothe, only reminded us of how life was going to change. It became achingly painful for my mother to go out into the community, as a woman whose husband remarried. People talked, but not kindly. They blamed her for losing a husband. 

I was only five years old then. I took on the responsibility of getting my  mother back to herself by helping her with cooking, cleaning, laundry, and gardening. By the time I was six, I could cook a full meal course and wash a bucket full of clothes. I bathed my younger sister and tended to my grandparents when they were sick. I was obligated to run my household at such an early age that I forgot how to become a young girl–until my enrollment in Kopila Valley School. Such change in one’s life can help heal the deepest scars, even the ones etched by your beloved family.

HEALING

In order to love who you are, you must not hate the experience that shaped you. Well, this is something that I now think, but it wasn’t the same case when I was young. I hated what my father’s remarriage did to me as a child, I hated how my mother couldn’t take care of herself, let alone the rest of us. My only escape from reality was the ground of Kopila Valley School. I never wanted to leave. It became a safe space from my kindergarten years. When each day came to an end, a lump would form in my throat, making it harder to breathe. I did not want to go home, I did not want to return to responsibilities beyond my age and my capabilities. 

I found a solution and joined the girl’s soccer team. After school, I stayed back and practiced soccer with my team.  All the rage, all the sadness I felt, it would evaporate into thin air on the soccer field. There was something magical in that transition. I remember those evenings when the day’s chores seemed never-ending. The laundry piling up, dishes stacked in the sink, and endless errands pulling at my focus. But then I’d step onto the ground, kick the ball, and the world of responsibilities faded away. The scars I carried slowly started to dissipate. Instead of what my childhood was, I focused on what my future would be. 

RIDING THE WAVE

There’s a bittersweet freedom in realizing that you’re just a soul passing through this world; not here to be perfect, but here to feel deeply, to break, to grow, and to witness every raw, beautiful, and painful part of being human. When my time as a student of Kopila Valley School ended in late 2023, I panicked. What now? 

The deeper I tried to understand life, the heavier it became. As we grow older, reality unravels in ways we weren’t prepared for. Adulthood reveals unsettling truths; we begin to see the weight of injustice, how money defines power, how the poor are not provided with the same equality, and how scary the future starts to look. And that realization, knowing how unfair this world can be, is heartbreaking. This became especially glaring when I wondered, How do I pay for my college education? 

As my friends and peers enrolled in colleges, traveled abroad, found their paths and their callings, I was stuck–back to my old routine of clearing the dishes in the sink, emptying the pile of laundry, cooking lunch and dinner. The idea of going to college was more remote to me than becoming an astronaut. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never doubted my strength. I believe I can do anything when I set my mind to it.  I could just stay home, become a Primary school teacher, and eventually I would get married, have my own family. Most of the girls in my community who were lucky to even go to school only finished their high school years. It was likely that I wouldn’t go to college.

And in all of that, it’s easy to feel like life is just one long attempt to survive. 

But maybe survival is sacred. Maybe it’s brave. 

I was not ready to give up on my future, so I reached out to the Futures team for support. I refused to be one of many young girls with no college degree. I didn’t know that just reaching out was the beginning of my college year. That the need to know, to discover, to peel away the surface was a training ground for who and what I would grow up to become. 

Kopila Valley heard my need and gave me an interest-free loan from the Higher Education Fund (HEF). In a flash, the idea of becoming a college student was not foreign–it was a reality that instilled hope in me. 

Currently, I am working towards my Bachelors in Business Studies (BBS) degree at Mid-Western University (MU) in Surkhet. Five months in, I chose to begin my career journey early by securing an internship at the Futures Center. The HEF loan gave me the opportunity to shape my future, and in return, I want to offer my time and heartfelt gratitude to the Futures Center and team for recognizing my potential. I help with filing, documenting, and keeping track of all the graduates. 

What have I learned? Sit down. Stay there. It’s hard–I know just how hard–and I hate to tell you this, but it doesn’t get easier. Ever. Get used to the discomfort. Make some kind of peace with it. And maybe, just maybe, that’s the paradox of life; to heal, you must hurt, to grow, you must learn, to find peace, you must first meet chaos, to build, you must start. Life is just it is. A string of hard choices, silent battles, and moments that feel like they’ll never make sense–until one day, they do. 

So, yes, you learn a lot from watching soccer, or in my case, from playing soccer. 

You don’t always get the perfect start

You win some, you lose some

You can’t control everything

Teamwork matters

You have to play offense and defense

Time is limited

But 

It’s your game and you get to decide how you want to play it. 

I have grown up. I have evolved. I have pushed myself to get better, to be better. It is my disease and my cure.