Stories of Nepal: Pavi
Monday, September 23, 2019
"Our daughter had gone missing for 15 days. We searched everywhere. We asked everyone. We found out later they had married in a temple. And it was not our place to tell her new husband, 'You have no money, no property. Our daughter will suffer. And we will take her back.' So we just went along with their marriage. We calmed our unwilling hearts and accepted whatever the future would bring for our daughter. It was her choice, her decision, and her love. And as parents, we could not deprive her of that. They had two children - a daughter and a son, together.
"When both her children were born we supported her with the rations and money because her husband and his family had very little to give. And we could not see those babies grow without proper food. My husband is in India and he has worked hard all his life and provided for us. We have never starved or had to stay without food. So we would send her rations and money. Eventually, I invited her to bring her children and stay with me. 'Let me take care of you and the children. You can rest here for some time, gain some strength, let the children get some nutrition and when you feel good then you can return to your husband’s home. I will also have your company with your father and brothers away in India.' She came and stayed with me.
“When her son was 6 months old, her husband came to visit. He told us that he was leaving for India to find work. 'I will go and work for some time. I will call you regularly. I will earn money and maybe only then I will be able to provide for you. Maybe we can move to a better place, buy some land and build a house. The children can go to school too.' In hope for a better future, we all bid him farewell.
"After that, it was just my daughter, her two kids and me at home. We were more like friends than mother and daughter. We took turns cooking and looking after the house. We took turns taking naps and looking after the children. We talked about our husbands and made plans to visit temples. We bathed the children and played with them. We talked for long hours before sleep. But every day, she had started talking less. I could guess she was missing her husband. He had not called as he had promised. As the days turned into months and months to years and she did not hear from her husband, she started eating less. She started taking care of her children less. She started staring into the walls and the skies.
"I could see the desperation in my daughter's face. In this long painful everyday wait for her husband, she had to abandon all her wishes. Of being with friends, going out, making merry in festivals. I felt her heart was filling up with many worries. I would go to her several times and try to give her some comfort. 'I am here with you. I am here as long as I have breath in my body. We will live together, mother and daughter and I promise I will take care of you all. Who knows, someday your husband might return. Who knows, maybe that day is near.'
"One day, as usual, I had gone to collect grass for the buffaloes. When I returned home and called out on my daughter there was no answer. When I went into the bedroom, I saw her. I screamed. My eldest granddaughter came running and she started screaming too. My daughter had hung herself. She had tied a shawl around her neck.
"If only I had known that such a horrific incident would occur, I would have stayed home. I should have stayed home. But I had no way of knowing that she was so hurt and that she was trying to harm herself. I never thought she would do it when she had two children. I did not understand her loneliness. She did not say, 'Mother things are bothering me, please help me. Please tell me what to do.' In hindsight, I remember her staying very quiet before this happened. She did not talk to me much or interact with the kids. But I could not read the signs.
"What broke me was the fact that my granddaughter saw her mother hanging. I have seen enough of life and I will swallow my tears but my granddaughter should not have seen what she saw. I feel this has traumatized her and effected her mind deeply. The first thing I did was to leave that place. I wanted to take my grandchildren far away from that house. My husband understood my situation and he bought me this house. We all moved here. She has turned 4 years now and the memories of my daughter seem distant but it is still there and every time I talk about it tears form in my eyes. Sometimes, when angry my granddaughter brings up her mother. When I ask her to study and do her homework, she says, 'Let me be. My mother is dead, why do you bother me?' I go to the room and cry. But I wipe my tears and come back to her. I give her all the love. I hope she will be able to understand someday, this cruel nature of life. I am happy that she is going to Kopila Valley School. All I want for her is to understand and move on from the memory that has affected her little mind." (Pavi, Kharigaira Mabu GP 1, Dailekh)
This month, we’re collaborating with our friends at Stories of Nepal to tell the stories of the families we serve. Each subject has children enrolled in the Kopila Valley School, and has agreed to share their journey with you.