On Family And Mindful Parenting
Sunday, January 12, 2014
There are a few resources that have really helped me with my children these last few months and I've been meaning to share them here.
Our Wellness Fellow Nena started leading us in family meditations and even with her gone :( the meditations stuck. It's amazing what a few deep breaths together at the end of a long day can do, or even just a minute of us all holding hands in a quiet circle. I'm also using some amazing books and guides that my friend Suzy gave me. Goldie Hawn's MindUP curriculum is amongst the best I've seen. I also love Thich Nhat Hanh's book called Planting Seeds on meditation for kids and the disk that goes with it.
My friend Sarah brought me the Family Virtues Guide and it's absolutely perfect for us. We've been taking on themes as a family where we work on ONE specific virtue for a month at a time. The family virtues guide comes with a set of cards, so I'll often have the kids pick a card and read it out loud. Then we talk about the specific word: compassion, unity, love, patience, what it means and what it looks like. We've spent this month on "kindness." Talking about the virtues with my children is a good reminder for myself. Instead of yelling "don't do that" or "stop it!" or "UGHHHH," I'm trying to remember to say things like, "we need to practice some patience right now" or "can we all work on our cleanliness together?" I am by no means a master but I like the way the words feel coming out of my mouth a lot more than I do an exasperated shout or a put down.
We've spent alot of time on whole body and active listening and I can feel it paying off. Years ago, I watched this incredible talk given by Dr. Dan Siegel (my parenting guru) on children and listening. His videos are the best! Anyway, Dr. Siegel was saying that as teachers and parents we're always saying things like "pay attention," "focus" "listen!" but it's rare that we actually sit down with our children and show them how. It's important to practice and hone the skills that good listening requires.
I don't have all the answers and to be honest I'm doing a lot of my own work on mindfullness as I go along. Bottom line, this parenting stuff is hard. It takes work, (mostly on ourselves,) and it's the most important thing in the world to me right now, so I thought I'd share and hope that these things help someone else out there. We're in this together!
For more READING, I loved the honesty of this article in the HuffPost On Yelling
And this piece on gratitude and children in The Wall Street Journal is awesome sauce.
I want this quote printed out for the wall in my room.
If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.
If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.
-Lao Tze