Celebrating Ravi
Saturday, November 01, 2014
Remember how I promised on my Facebook page I would have a party for Ravi when he got a real butt? Well he’s officially TEN POUNDS, butt included! He’s five months old and we decided we’re going to celebrate with a ten-pound party. At the party there will be lots of butter, chocolate and peanut butter. Please feel free to join us, and just wait until you see Ravi’s Halloween costume.
When Ravi came into our lives it was a roller coaster couple of weeks. I wasn’t kidding when I said he didn’t have a butt. The first time I saw his back and behind with all the bones protruding, I broke down and cried and felt a little sick to my stomach. He was making such slow progress up and down and up and down again. The pediatricians all said Ravi was one of the most malnourished babies they had never seen and then, right there in the pediatrician’s office, I would start crying all over again. What I would have given for even a ten gram increase on some of those days. I remember being at the hospital and taking him downstairs to the nurses station every single day thinking surely this time he had gained weight, only to be disappointed time and time again. So I set little tiny goals and one of them was that Ravi would have real butt cheeks.
Back at home Namraj spent the first couple weeks absolutely terrified of baby Ravi and it broke my heart. Some of the little kids were scared of him and stayed far away from my room. No one could touch him because of how sensitive he was. It was definitely not the most ideal way to introduce a new baby into a family.
I needed to work and focus on the other kids and the rest of the project but there was a big part of me that just wanted to drop every email, every responsibility, and nurture his little body back to health. That’s one thing about having a sick baby or child that changes you. Suddenly nothing in the world except their little life seems important. It was hard for me to find balance and figure out what my new life with a newborn was going to look like especially with everything else going on. I had moments where I'd think to myself, "I totally got this. Piece of cake. What sleep deprivation? I’m a good mom,” and others when I'd think, "The entire world is falling apart. I’m the worst mom in the universe." Oh, hormones.
Most mornings I haven’t changed my clothes, showered, or brushed my teeth and I’m running around the house with spit up on my shirt and a tangled mess of hair and a to do list that makes my head spin. The fellows call it “mornings with Maggie” because you just never know what’s going to come out of my mouth.
Ravi’s health has been up and down but we're out of the woods. He’s steadily gaining about 50-100 grams a day but occasionally he still has bouts of upset stomachs, a little fever, a cough or head cold. He’s also lactose intolerant. If he has even the slightest bit of lactose formula he gets really very sick so I’ve had to keep him on a soy alternative available only in Kathmandu. We’re supplementing with vitamin D, digestive enzymes, zinc, folic acid, and some other forms of naturopathy. I’m also into essential oils and homeopathic remedies. I’m on google all the time, especially at two in the morning when Ravi is up to feed. It’s crazy how you can get information on something and think you know ALL the facts and then click on another link and read something totally different. I try to take everything with a grain of salt and make informed decisions based on the doctors I’ve talked to and my intuition with Ravi.
The last few weeks things have all started to come together. A few days ago we were all in my room. Ravi was on Namraj’s lap and Namraj was on mine and Namraj was showering baby Ravi with kisses and love. With the older kids off for the holidays I’ve gotten some really good time in with them too. We can leave Ravi at home with an auntie or a nap and go out for to the food cart for chaat, shopping, or a hike. I have so much help. So much help. I can’t imagine doing this and not having the aunties, the fellows, volunteers, and another 50 children around to play with him, change him, love him, watch him throughout the day while I work and take him for the night when I need to get some solid sleep. I can’t imagine being a mother outside of a communal living situation. It makes you spoiled for sure.
I'll be the first one to admit, I’m totally obsessively utterly in love with this babe (like I am with all of my children, obviously) and I really appreciate you all being just as in love with him and putting up with my posting of a gajillion photos. It’s been really healing for me after everything we went through and it’s been awesome to have a little Ravi fan base to celebrate the milestones. To celebrate ten pounds and Ravi’s formal initiation into the family and all we've overcome, I wanted to make a little video to commemorate all the amazing nurses, doctors, friends volunteers, and the Kopila family. We did it!